Monday, February 18, 2013

Women Connection: Job Confession

I came across to Women Connect post, and thought it was freeing. Basically, it encouraged bloggers to be open, and write about whatever they like for that week/day. More often than not, we started blog for a reason: to write, and often, our blogs evolve as we accumulate more followers. Sometimes, there was a pressure to write posts to appease the followers, or that pressure to stay interesting enough to be read. 

I have always tried to be open, and write about whatever I liked. After all, that was why I started my blog: Why Do I Blog? Of course, life happens, and I started to write about topics I enjoy and like, and I started to write less about my feelings, thoughts, and what not about life. 

The biggest thing that has been looming over our heads lately is Stu's job prospect. Stu has been in graduate school for, what it seems to be forever, and won't graduate until next year in the spring at the latest. He is going school for an administrative degree. He wants to be a principal. I fully support his ambition, and love how he works so hard to provide a good life for us. I try to be a great wife...almost the point of becoming a stepford wife. I do laundry, clean the house, make delicious meals that I find on Pinterest, budgeting, and raise our son. To some, it may be a tedious lifestyle, and to me, I absolutely love it. We really would love to relocate back to Green Bay since it is where we feel most home at. It is where we got married. It is where I gave birth to Forrest. It's a happy medium between our families. It is really hard to have our families to live on the opposite sides of the state. 

Sometimes, I feel torn because we don't live close to our families, and it is difficult to find the location that is almost halfway between them. I want Forrest to grow up, and be close to his family. I do envy some people for having both sides of the family live in the same town, or at least a stone throw from where they live. 

Because of Stu's desire to become a principal, we have to be flexible with where we move for his first job choice because there are limited positions opening up for someone so new like Stu. I find that I don't want to move anywhere further away from GB area, and I find it hard to be flexible. I just want to move there, and settle down already. I'm tired of moving. I'm tired of relocating to different duplexes. I want a place to call our own with a fenced backyard for Layla to roam. I have so many projects I would love to start for a house.

I don't want to move to some remote little town far up north or somewhere out in the west of the state. I feel it is unfair to my family because they have to travel even further to see Forrest, and maintain a relationship with him. I don't want to be isolated. I want to be close to my friends again. I want to be closer to my doctor for my next pregnancy, and my favorite haunts. By god, I am tired of being that perfect little happy wife having to relocate so many times to better our lives. Secretly, I'm glad I'm not a military wife. I don't handle moving so many times that well! 

At the same time, I want to be supportive, and have Stu get that opportunity to get experience that he needs. And frankly, money talks especially if there's only one income coming in at this moment. I would love to continue my status as a stay-at-home mom/wife for all of our future kids including our current kid, Forrest. In order to do that, I must be willing to follow Stu's job prospects, and be willing to relocate a few more times  in next few years before finally settling down at the location we BOTH like which happens to be Green Bay. 

When I look at my jumbled emotions, I feel really selfish, and in turn, it makes me feel bad for feeling that way. I wonder if there is any other women or men out there that feels this way in their lives? Or is it just me?