Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Great Flood of 2014

I contemplated publishing this post yesterday, and then I realized it was April Fools day. If I published this post yesterday, then nobody would have believed me, thinking it was my prank on them, when in fact, it did happen, and it was not a prank. So I had better wait until today to publish this post.

I was relaxing with Forrest on the sofa with Turkey (not an actual bird, but our lazy Basset dog). Forrest grew bored of watching a movie with me, and plopped off the sofa to wander off somewhere else. I felt a vibration of him falling down, and I didn't address Forrest immediately. After all, kids were going to tumble, rough around, and fall, right? Within minutes of feeling that bump, Forrest returned to me, bawling, and I noticed nothing out of ordinary at first. I got on my knees to give Forrest a big mommy hug, and kiss that miraculously always cure every ouchies, right? As I gave him a kiss on top of his head, I noticed his hair was soaking wet, and as my arms went around his little body, I found that his entire back was soaked with water. Puzzled, I had no idea why, and it registered to me that he may have lifted Turkey's water bowl, and dumped it all over himself either by accident, or on purpose. 

I got up, and went to investigate. I fully expected to see a upside down dog bowl with water scattered around it. What I found instead was a HUGE lake in our kitchen. Holy BATMAN!

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I ran into the lake, wondering where the heck all this water was coming from, and quickly inspected all the pipes under the sink to find that everything was intact. I turned around, waddled through the ever rising water, and went into the bathroom adjacent to the kitchen. It was the culprit. The toilet was vomiting water. CRAP CRAP CRAP! I fell onto my knees, and went around the toilet to shut off the water supply. Suddenly, it stopped spewing water like a demon out of an exorcism film. I stood up, soaking wet, and looked at a huge lake in our kitchen. Forrest, having overcome his sadness of having an ouchie, decided to play in the water. Turkey joined the enthusiasm. I scowled at the old girl, and wondered why she didn't have a Lassie bone in her body to alert her mommy, who happened to be Deaf, and unable to hear the water pumping out like that. For a moment, I considered losing it.

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Alas, I decided not to. I took a deep breath, and went to upstairs closet to gather all towels I had, then carried the mountain of towels in my arms as I went downstairs to conquer the flood. I threw down the towels to soak up the water. Slowly, but surely, I managed to mop up the entire mess in the kitchen, lamented briefly at our stained dining room carpet from being soaked, and tried my best to get water out of the carpet. I blew an air out of my mouth, thinking okay, the worst is over, and I texted Stu to ask him to come home immediately instead of lounging at work when he was out. 

Tired, wet, and throat coarse from scolding the dog to NOT drink the water, and the boy for encouraging the dog to drink the toilet water, I gathered heavy towels, weighed down by water, and kicked them down the stairs to the basement. It was when I saw water creeping at the bottom of the stairs. 

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At this point, I had no towels to mop up the water, and I was out of resource to mop up the watery mess in the man cave part of the basement. I went upstairs, grabbed all little rag towels I had left, and gathered all the rolls of paper towels. I returned to the basement to find that our TV, and WII was damaged. Yay. Not. I moved the gaming system along TV out of the way, put down the bowl to catch the leak, and mopped all water out of the area. I dragged two large rugs outside, while thanking weather gods for not sending us snow, and sent us sun instead. 

While cringing at killing the trees, I put down the paper towels, and rags on the smaller version of lake compared to what was in the kitchen. At this point, I was fuming at Turkey, for not being a Lassie, and for happily chomping on cat "treats" from the litter boxes. She must have been in heaven that day with drinking all that toilet water, and chomping on cat poop. Good for her. In the meanwhile, the boy was opening the patio door, and wandering into the backyard half-naked. I ran after him, gently corrected him, and brought him back inside with me. Again, I thanked the weather gods for this semi-warm weather. 

I was sweating, panting, and a fine wet mess at this point. Not to mention that I was also exhausted. Stu finally came home as I threw out several rolls of paper towels, and dumped soaking wet towels in the washing machine. He helped me to clean up the remaining mess, put down fans to dry out the affected areas, and took the boy upstairs for a much-needed bath. 

Once the crisis had been resolved, I plopped on the sofa, and briefly thought about dying, then realized I was already dead with exhaustion. 

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Stu came downstairs with a clean toddler laughing, and bouncing to me. I allowed Forrest to cover me with his little kisses, and hugs. Stu, being a wonderful husband that he was, decided to order us hot wings, and pizza so I didn't have to make dinner that night. 

A bit later, I looked at Stu, and Forrest eating their dinner, as Turkey drooled, and pleaded for human food, and thought to myself...what a story I will tell Forrest someday.  


  1. What a mess! Did you figure out what caused that to happen?

    1. It had something to do with the pumping system. It failed, and the water kept running instead of stopping. We ended up having to replace the entire pump system inside the toilet!

  2. Oh gosh Ash thats ridiculous! Sorry to hear that you guys had to go through that but thankful that nothing worse transpired. I definitely chuckled though with your recount and memes lol

  3. If this were to happen to me, I might have panicked on the spot. But in times like that, first thing you have to think about is to turn off all the source of electricity. We’ll never know if the water happened to reach the outlet, and that’s another crisis to deal with.

    Gail Wallace