Tuesday, June 25, 2019

8th Anniversary: At Home with Each Other



Our Eighth anniversary tumbled into the midst of busyness circulating among ourselves; Forrest starting his 3rd stint of summer school and Franklin his first, Fox celebrating his second birthday, Stuart completing up his end of the year work conferences and evaluations, and me preparing for our newest baby's arrival this come October. As our kids grow older, we find ourselves getting more involved with their lives, especially me as a mother trying to balance everything in this family, and making sure the house runs smoothly with differing schedules. Our marriage has slowly taken a back seat to our children's lives. 

It sounds ominous, doom-like, and terrible. In fact, it is not. We have reached to a place where we are finally secure with fiances, our futures, our children's futures, and everything has fallen into its place. When we are able to sit down on the sofa to watch our favorite binge-worthy TV series, we look at each other, and smile. No words needed to be exchanged. No lengthy worried discussions needed. We rarely argue. When we do argue, we try to fight smart instead of dirty with stinging words. We acknowledge when we are in wrong, and apologize. Pride no longer has a place in our marriage. We want our kids to model after what we are teaching them about relationships, and we try out best to portray that. We are on the same page when it comes to parenting our kids, and in supporting each other's decisions. We are comfortable, secure, and happy. 

But, but, but Ashley, that's boring!!! 

On the contrary, it is the opposite. Too many people assume that being comfortable, and having some kind of excitement in your marriage or a long term relationship is mutually exclusive. It is not. To invite chaos, drama, and uncertainty especially with young ones welcomes stress, and strain on a relationship. It is something that we want to seen remained removed from our lives. We have long since come from the days of many changes, stress, and challenges regarding money, personal lives, and children rearing care. We welcome stability, and comfort. 

Of course, there is a danger of becoming TOO comfortable, too busy with our kids, and too busy with our careers. We are conscious of that. We try to have a date. It does not require us dressing up, finding a babysitter, or any form of energy to go out (even though this is nice to do, and probably a necessary one once in while to just get out of the house). We simply watch our favorite TV series, eat popcorn, and kick back. We reconnect by doing this--our little dates, our conversations to catch up, and to remain aware of what is happening with our family, jobs, or personal lives. 

It can be extremely easy, too easy, to neglect your marriage, and let it slide, especially during your kids' formative years, because you are busy raising them, going to your job, and dealing with life. It can be easy to formulate resentments, hurt feelings, and loneliness when two persons begin to diverge. This divergence is quite normal as long as you are also leading lives together. The key is balance. To do your own things on your own time is great for your soul. So is spending time with your spouse without your kids.

I do feel fortunate to have a such wonderful husband to rely on for stability, and security as well as love, especially in the middle of chaos, and busyness in our lives.