Wednesday, May 27, 2020

To Mask or Not to Mask: That's the Question #3


                                                     

It had always seemed so foreign to me to see people wearing masks. My most recent recollection of public requirement for masks as a precaution against disease outbreaks were found among Asian population. It made sense to me, because they had dealt with both SARS in 2002 and Bird Flu in 2006. I had always been an advocate of preventive care. It appeared to me that it was easier to stop things from happening. Why waste so much energy, and resources on cleaning up the mess? Therefore, the whole concept behind mask wearing in Eastern Asian countries struck me as a responsible thing to do. 

Having said that, it still felt foreign to me. We had never had dealt with serious respiratory outbreaks, or had I been so naive to think that we were immune to those? We had flu outbreaks every year, and we still carried on with our lives. The percentage of people lost to influenza every year was heartbreaking, and terrible, yet none of us wore masks to prevent the spread of flu. Some of us faithfully received flu shot. Some of us refused for plethora of reasons. As for us, we always opted for flu shot. When one of us succumbed to flu, we recovered without complication, and returned to our daily lives. Our immunity system were able to fight off influenza. Masks never became a commonplace in our country, unless you had a compromised immune system, and you had one for yourself. 

There has been so much controversy surrounding wearing the masks. 

When this first broke out, there was an outcry from the medical workers, because they lacked PPE gear as well as N95 masks. There were so many stories of nurses, doctors, and medical workers wearing the same mask for an entire shift. It was horrible! Our government's apathy, quickness to blame others, and refusal of accepting their responsibility was quite apparent. I got a feeling that many states were forced to fend for themselves. It was when I made a decision to sew cloth masks. Sure, it was not adequate, or the best protection for our healthcare workers. But it was something! I ended up sewing about 100 masks before finally running out of the supplies. To be honest, I was also becoming burnt out from making so many masks, and I didn't feel guilty for stopping, because there was so many amazing people coming together from all over place to donate their time to sew masks. 

It was how I spent most of March. It gave me a purpose. It made me feel like I was making a difference. I wanted to be a part of the solution instead of being a part of the problem. It also distracted me from all of the unease happening outside of my home, and kept my anxiety at the bay. In the beginning of April, there was talks of CDC recommending EVERYONE to wear masks with an exception of children under age 2, and for those folks with difficulty in breathing. I had no problem with that! I was on board. Sign me up! 

I understood that it was not to protect myself from getting the virus, but to protect others from getting infected from me if I was asymptomatic. It was a responsible, right thing to do. I understood that wearing cloth masks didn't completely stop the virus from being filtered through, and with that knowledge, I was still okay with wearing a mask, because it was better than alternative of not wearing one and blasting germs everywhere. I did not view this as a conformity, or the government dictating our freedom. It was an act of solidarity. Yet I saw so many protests in my state as well as other states about wearing masks in the public. 

Our country has always been run on autonomy. It is what makes us unique. Our free will to make our own decisions, and our own choices. We are not a country where we must rely, and survive by making decisions as a whole. When we are faced with a possibility of having our autonomy taken away, we freak out. Damn them all if my choices are being infringed. This is unconstitutional (never mind that mask wearing is not compulsory). Also, for some, wearing masks is a sign of vulnerability, or weakness. So we must be strong, and brave by not wearing the masks! We must not succumb to our fears! To me, this is a clear case of denial that we are in trouble. It does not help when we see our politicians not wearing masks. It does not help that there is no clarity, or education about wearing masks. Some people have complained that wearing masks are uncomfortable. It's hot! It's stuffy! I can't breath! The ear pieces are rubbing against my ears. It hurts! My glasses are always fogging up. I don't like it. 

The truth is, I believe that masks represent a loss of normalcy, because this is not normal pre-COVID19, and to lose our sense of normalcy is disorienting. The life before COVID19 is gone. It no longer exists. There is grief for that. For those who are not familiar with the stages of grief: Shock, Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, and finally, Acceptance. I see stages unfolding in people. Shock is worn off for the most part. Now we are witnessing a lot of bargaining, and anger. 

It is disheartening to see people refusing to wear masks in the public. I try so hard not to judge their decision, and it is difficult to not to, because they are putting my loved ones at the risk. Are they that selfish? It also grates me at my nerves when I see people pulling a fast one by claiming that American Disability Act allows them not to wear a mask, because they claim to have a disability that prevents them from using one. I am Deaf, and I have always honestly relied on ADA to have a full access in the world that is not always so accommodating for my needs. For an abled body person to take an advantage of ADA meant for people like me boils my blood. Entitlement has never rested well with me. 

Sadly, the symbol of wearing masks has sadly become political when all along, it should have just been a sign of respect. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Fiona is EIGHT Months Old

Dear Fiona, 



You are now EIGHT Months old. You're quickly hurling to your first birthday. Why is it that case with the babies, and kids wanting to grow up in such hurry? Mama is loving every bit of you; chunky arms resembling hot rolls, dimply butt, drooly smiles, big open mouthed kisses, the way your nose wrinkles up, and the way you squint your eyes in excitement. It is such a miracle, how you came to be, and the person you are becoming. 

You are in between sizes 3 and 4 for diapers. Boy, oh boy. What a challenge you have been in this department! You have been experiencing chronic diaper rashes. Mama doesn't believe that you have a food allergy, because you don't have any other symptoms besides from the diaper rash. Mama has tried pretty much everything to help manage this only to be faced with a new rash as soon as one fades away. Finally, Mama decided to unsubscribe from Hello Bello, because their diapers lacked absorbency to keep you dry. She is switching you over to Pampers sensitive, since they do not have latex, and sewing cloth wipes to use instead of wet wipes. With a new prescription for your diaper rash from Dr. Karbon, Mama feels confident that you should be out of the woods with this dilemma. 
    

   You are still in 9-12 months set for clothes. Mama is quite excited for the summer, because there is a lot of cute rompers, and summer dresses for you to wear! Wisconsin can be so finicky; spring/summer can take a long time to grace their presence, but it does not seem to be the case for this year! Mama is thrilled to have additional clothes from your cousin, Izzy, for the summer. The older boys could care less about what they wear, and tells Mama that it's 'no big deal' as long as it is functional. So that leaves you! Mama is thinking about investing in a small kiddie pool for you to splash around in for hot days ahead. It will be nice for you and Fox to cool off by sitting in the wading pool. 

You have been introduced to BLW (baby-led weaning). Nothing is really held back from you! You've sampled meat, vegetables, carbs, sweets, fruits, and dairy. Mama firmly believes that BLW is the way to go, because it encourages fine and gross motor skills, hand to eye coordination, chewing, and to expand palate for all types of food. It is funny, because out of all 4 kids, only one is most picky, and that's Forrest! He is also the only child out of four that has not started with BLW from the beginning, and of course, this is compounded by his food allergies growing up. Anyway, BLW is not for everybody, and that is perfectly okay! As for you, Mama thinks it is a good start, and have been encouraging you to try (even though the majority of food end up ON you instead of IN you). The only food you turn your nose up to is peas. Perhaps you will change your mind after a few tries over time though! 


You take 2 big naps a day; one in the morning, and one in the afternoon, then you like to cat nap for an hour in the evening from 6-7:00 pm. Then you are up and about until around 9-9:30 pm, and head to bed. You wake up only once to nurse. However, there are nights when you find yourself wanting to nurse more often (which isn't very often, and coincides with growth spurts or illness). Mama has to make a confession though; you have not slept in your crib overnight yet, and she struggles so much with the idea of letting you move into your bedroom. It has to do with the fact that you are her last baby, and with the whole CVID19 thing. She does realize that you will have to move out at some point. It isn't easy thing to do for her though! However, everything else of yours have been relocated to your bedroom. The only big step is actually getting you over there! 

You like to roll around from stomach to back! It is your biggest discovery of the late. You always want to lay on your belly, and look at everything from that vantage. You also recently discovered sleeping on your belly! All of your siblings prefer to sleep on their sides, or on the back. So this is quite new for Mama, and with time, she has gotten used to your preference of sleeping that way. She doesn't mind as long as you get your rest!


You're a silly baby! You also prefer sitting up, and you're quite good at that as well. You still have ZERO interest in crawling, or moving towards an intended target. You'd be happy to just sit there, or be carried by Forrest. You enjoy playing stack rings, chewing on teething tube, and being tickled or talked to. You love staring at Mama as she holds you. Mama loves taking selfies with you, because she knows that those days are far too short, seeing that the older 2 want nothing to do with taking pictures with Mama, and it can be a hit and miss with Fox. 

Recently, there has been an exciting addition to your family! A Golden Doodle named Otis has joined our family. You love watching Otis bounce, and dart around. You enjoy sinking your fingers into his fur, and exclaim in excitement when he licks you. However, you do not like it when Otis chews on your foot, or hand, much to Mama's dismay. Thankfully, Otis has been extremely gentle with you. Despite him being gentle, he is still a puppy, and always must be supervised with you. 



With May rolling around, it has brought warmer days, and it is helping greatly with being cooped up for so long. Mama is excited to be able to take you with your brothers to go hiking, and continue to practice safe distance during fun activities. Mama is not very sure what to expect for this summer, due to COVID19, but she is determined to still make this a fun summer. She plan on having you and Fox enjoy a lot of pool time. Maybe Otis would even join you two! Mama thinks that the older two wouldn't be as interested, because it will be too small for them, but who knows! They like to run amok, and throw water soaked balls at each other! 

In the upcoming month with June arriving on the heel of rain and warmer weather, there will be a lot to celebrate, because Fox will be turning 3! 

Love,

Mama, Daddy, the older boys, & the dogs





Saturday, May 23, 2020

Living in Uncertainty #2


                                            

With a long abated breath as we watched the rest of the world stumbling into a domino effect , an invisible enemy lurked into our country with every intent of grappling its unknowing victim, and create a havoc as the masses congregated among each other. It paid no mind to age, or health. The virus did not care for a person's sex, or the color of the person's skin. It did not discriminate a person's values, or belief system. The virus was not fastidious. Nor was it particular. However, it was methodical. Its goal was to infect as many people as possible. Once infected, a person went on, unknowingly, and carried a perfect storm within before becoming symptomatic. For several, the perfect storm shed itself constantly without the person ever becoming symptomatic. CVID19 R naught, RO, was 2 to 2.5 persons transmission with an incubation between 1-14 days. 

While many states shut down for months to squelch, and flatten the curve, I can't help, as an avid fan of both nonfiction and fictional books about pandemics and viruses, but think of a book penned by Stephen King, The Stand. I began reading the book only to find myself putting it back down. It was too real, too close to home, and it disturbed me to my core. Mind you, I did not buy into the conspiracy theory of how LSD trip took Stephen King into a realm by predicting CVID19 in distant future from when the book was written. The truth was, pandemics always had been around, and authors happened to take advantage of that, then ran away with their imagination. In this case, it was coincidental, yet it was too hard for me to read the book, because hello, I was kind of living through something that I would HAVE NEVER imagined would happen to us. 

When we entered quarantine phase, I thought to myself, what a strange week it has been (our kids' school had shut down, and Governor Evers ordered stay at home order), because it happened so quickly. I didn't have time to process it all. It did not help that I was a stickler for routine. I liked predictability. I liked to be told ahead of time what to expect. I was a planner. I had to plan everything. Surprises disturbed me. I hated being caught off guard. I had to be in control of what was happening around me, and ran a disciplined household. The first week of us entering quarantine phase threw me off, because the routine was thrown out of the window. Our kids were home with me all day long, and my husband had to work from home. The news station kept blaring about the rate of infected going upup, and UP

It kept quadrupling everyday. No one knew what was going on, or why. No one understood how CVID19 worked, how it affected us, and who was truly at the risk. People kept speculating, and hypothesizing. The death count kept increasing. Our government appeared to be a ship being run without someone at the helm. Nothing about this made sense to me. It was funny how our lives changed in an instant. One day, I was wrapping a red checkered scarf around my son's face, and the next day, I was putting a mask on his face. 

Frightened was an understatement. I hated the idea of being so afraid. I had always relied on science to explain, and educate us. I used science to refute, and share my knowledge with others. One of my best friend was a scientist herself, and I was able to ask her to explain in layman terms if I needed that. During the early days, science was unable to explain what was happening, and why. That fed into my fear, and anxiety. It did not help to read personal accounts about doctors and nurses, being completely healthy, succumbing to CVID19. I worried about my children. Would I lose them if they had contracted this virus? I wished my family was much closer instead of being 3 hours away, and living in a county with one of the worst outbreaks. I was simultaneously worried, yet relieved that my sister, her husband, and their child were not living in Wisconsin, but in Texas--away from hotbed of mess our state was in, yet it meant they were so far away from us. What if something had happened to them, and we were unable to be there for them? I worried for my husband's family, and my friends, especially if they were dealing with underlying conditions. 

I grew uncomfortable with doing errands, or go food shopping while we were locked down. I asked my husband if he was willing to become our "runner", because he had to go out quite often to work, and was already out there. I urged him to always wear a mask. My anxiety became too difficult for me to cope with, especially with seeing empty shelves, and people competing for scarce items. I bore a lot of guilt if I had to go out. What if I was asymptomatic, and signed someone's death warrant? What if I brought CVID19 back home, and infected one of our kids? Every time when my husband returned from the outside, I made him leave his shoes and coat at the door. He had to scrub his hands, and disinfect whatever he touched. I had a designated area for dirty shoes, and was quite diligent about keeping everything that was exposed in that box. I spent my time deep cleaning weekly with lysol wipes, and bleach. When I had no choice, but to go out; I left my kids at home, because I was not going to bring them into an environment that may expose them to CVID19, I dealt with a lot of anxiety, and combated dizziness. I had to do a lot of coping exercises to get through a simple shopping excursion. 

I shopped on amazon when I needed something. Guilt crept into my conscience for shopping online, because it meant that someone had to go to work, and possibly be exposed. I was sewing masks during this time, and needed more supplies only to be faced by a long shipping wait, or to see that the needed item was out for unknown amount of time. I hated the feeling of not having something available for when I need it. I worried about what I would do once we ran out of toilet paper, or bleach? Then what? Those two were hard to find, or expensive to obtain. What would I do when flu season rolled around this fall? How was I supposed to disinfect not just CVID19, but also flu germs? 

There was talks of meat shortage. It left me in a state of discomfort. We were fortunate, and privileged to have a deep freezer well stocked with meat. I had once held a thought that we were not going to be affected by CVID19 back in January, and became quickly humbled. I was not going to arrogantly assume that meat shortage was not going to happen. Instead, I thought to myself, how bad will it get? How long will this last? While we were fortunate to have meat stocked up, I worried about those who did not have the same privilege. How were they going to survive? I had a crazy brief glimpse of what folks may have felt during the Great Depression. Up to this date, I had not seen any impact on the meat shortage, yet I found myself waiting for it to hit us. 

My kids struggled with self-isolation. They missed their friends, and their teacher. It was most difficult on my oldest. One day, he began weeping when he saw a video of his teacher, and said that he was both overjoyed and sad to see her. I sat with my arms around him, and ruefully smiled. How was I suppose to parent through this? What was I supposed to say? I was as at loss as he was. There was no closure as the stay at home order extended, and the school abruptly ended for the year. Normal went out of the window. Nothing about this was fair, or normal. I desperately missed our lives before CVID19, and resented our government for not protecting us. Was this resentment appropriate? I was not sure, because none of this made sense.

Easter rolled around. We had to celebrate Easter without our extended family, and it was difficult. We always had been family oriented, and loved to get together, yet we had to sacrifice that. I wondered about the upcoming holidays. Would we be able to get together? Or will we have to give up those as well? Were the risks worth it? The stay at home order was suddenly abolished, leaving Wisconsin in a lurch without any safeguard protocol in place; this left me worried, and uncertain. What about the second wave? Did the Wisconsin citizens even care for that? Or did they place upmost importance in drinking in bars, socializing, and allowing their actions to speak for themselves? I did not care if those people wanted to take themselves out (for lack of a better phrase), but I most certainly did care about them spreading the virus so recklessly. 
 
I had to bring my daughter to her pediatrician for a health-related issue. It left me wondering if wearing masks was becoming our new normal during CVID19 pandemic, because we had no idea how long this virus was going to last, and we had no way of understanding how this virus worked, since it seemed to be constantly shifting. While I was thankful for people wearing masks, I couldn't help, but have a sense of disorientation. From a Deaf person's perspective, wearing masks impacted so many things that we follow in our culture. We relied so much on reading our facial expressions. To have half of our faces visible in the public threw me off. It meant the lips, cheeks, and nose were all not readily available to be quickly observed, and calculated.  I had no idea if a person was smiling, or frowning behind the mask. I was unable to hear the tone of their voice to determine that. I had to adjust, and accept that there was a lot less to read from.

Once CVID19 fades away, and is bookmarked into our history books, will we ever take our smile for granted, and appreciate them deeply, or will we shrug that off, and forget as if this had never happened. 

Thursday, May 21, 2020

The Beginning of an End #1

                                           

I am a traditionalist. I collect. I go at great deal of measure to preserve the moments unfolding in our lives. I do this by writing, and blogging. Ever since age of 15, with a journal in my hand, I write on a daily basis. I write about mundane things of perhaps no great importance to anybody. I write about my experiences, my thoughts, and every little fleeting instances that has come to a pass through my mind. It is how I process things. How I come to understand the world around me. I write about what means the most to me; funny things our kids say, an accomplishment someone in our family has done, something I am most proud of, a loving gesture Stu does for me such as surprising me with flowers to be put in our clear glass vase to be marveled and enjoyed, a support my close friend has lend to me during my time of need,  how much I appreciated our parents, or my worry about what is unfolding at the moment. I write about gossips, whether it has a bearing on me or not, and I thought about people's characters. I wondered what drove them to do what they did. 

I find an answer to my long asked questions from years ago in my entries. I see forewarning of what yet to come that is already written. I learn through my words what my lessons are, and what experiences are trying to teach me. I analyze. I pick up on inconsequential actions that people overlook, and interpret them. More often than not, I find that I am quite right with my interpretation, and when I am wrong, I accept it, do what is necessary, and move on. I think deeply. I feel emotions all way into my bones. Sometimes, I absorb more feelings than I should, and grow overwhelmed by those emotions that are not mine. I grab my journal...and I write. 

I am the one who loves to document every little things in our lives. It is evidenced by my wedding, pregnancy, and birthday letters to our kids on my blog. I straddle on a line of oversharing, and not sharing at all. My culture relies on exchange of information, and being transparent. When one is not transparent; you are interpreted as cold, and unavailable. My introverted nature does not always necessarily like to share from A to Z, yet my cultural inclination is to be open as possible. To solve that conundrum; I share what I feel most comfortable with on a public platform, with strangers or acquaintances, and reserve only my innermost thoughts to those who are in my "inner" circles. 

When this pandemic of CVID19 first broke out, naturally my first thought was to document, document, and document by writing about my experiences. I knew this was something historical, just like how 9/11 was, and I saved everything from that period in my life. At age of 17, I wanted to have something tangible for my future kids to have, to study from, and to use for their learning. I wanted them to understand our fears, despair, and sadness, as well as our sense of unity, finding joy in time of despair, and finding goodness in people. I finally understood what it was like for my parents to experience monumental events in their lives. Once again, this sentiment had arisen, and I had an urge to write, write, and write. I once again had the same reasoning; I wanted to preserve this moment somehow for my kids to look back on, and to understand the importance of what we had gone through, and to have this serve as a lesson for us all to learn from. This sense of desire to document such a historical moment was encouraged by a source dearest to me, my aunt Rosalie, and she sent me a link to participate in a project provided by Wisconsin Historical Society. I gladly signed up. 


I thought long and hard how to approach this, because so much had happened in a short span of time. I decided that I should start from the beginning. 

When CVID19 news first broke out in January, I must confess that I paid very little attention to the calamity unfolding in China, because I kept myself occupied with our everyday happening, and stuck to our sense of normalcy. After all, I was a mother of 4 children; aged 7, 5, 2, and 7 months old baby. Our children kept me busy while my husband worked. I was dealing with nearly three weeks long horrid cold. I had no energy to participate in conspiracies, fearmongering, or sensationalism. This sentiment was partly due to our arrogance as Americans; we had a stellar healthcare, and our misplaced faith in the government to take proper precautions to prevent virus from entering our country. After all, the last serious pandemic that I could think off top of my head was polio, and that was ages ago. The recent pandemics were small, and insignificant in my mind as that it had not affected the population on a global level.  I was also prone to anxiety, and learned in therapy ages ago that it was better to think in moment instead of castastrophizing about things that may not happen. 

By February, I began to become acutely aware of what was happening, because Italy grew crippled by  CVID19. I struggled with the bipartisan attitude found in both  media, and our population. I wanted reputable facts, and sources. I even went to an extra measure of sharing my personal video to inform Deaf people to not panic, or to buy into everything what media was saying, not because I was anti-media, but because I wanted Deaf people to share reputable, and accurate sources to avoid from inadvertently causing an undue panic. My culture was often riddled with being given misinformation mostly due to lack of access of having certified interpreters for both Deaf and DeafBlind, and lack of closed captioning on many news sites. It was already difficult by those compounding problems that Deaf community was facing, and those difficulties were exacerbated by sharing wrong information. I grew sick at this point of bickering in both political parties. It was not time to blame, but to collectively work together (believe me, I had my own beliefs about how our government was handling things, but it was not time for that). 

The pandemic was becoming serious, and social distancing was recommended, yet people continued to mill around. The government on both national and state level were at loss. The information about CVID19 was constantly evolving, and shifting. The doctors, and medical workers began to cry out for help, because the PPE and proper masks were lacking. Many states began quarantining. People became afraid. Schools closed down. Workforce, that required non-physical presence, went remote. All of this was extremely unprecedented, and many were unprepared. 

As a mother, I had to deal with my kids' anxieties of being promptly forced to stay at home, and no longer attending school. I had to figure out how to educate two older kids on two different levels, because our school district was still figuring things out. By no shape or form that I was blaming the school district for lack of preparedness. Like I had mentioned, this was all extremely unexpected, and new to all of us. This required grace from all of us for each other. I had to guide my kids through their emotions, especially with school being over for the year, and leaving them with no closure. 

As a wife, I worried about my husband fielding a lot of anger, confusion, and uncertainty. He was looked upon as a leader, and he had no answers. He found that difficult to deal with, because he wanted to be able to lead in the face of chaos. It posed a challenge for Stuart for so many reasons. He arrived home, both mentally and physically exhausted, and left very little of himself for us. I hated that he had to venture out repeatedly, because I did not want him to contract the virus. Imagine that! I would have never thought of this to be possible last year, yet here we were. The administrators, and teachers wanted an immediate solution, and answers, but there were none. They all worked hard to provide some sense of stability for students, because they knew students were going to be the most impacted by all of this. 

I worried about food and supplies running out, because panic-hoarders swarmed to grab whatever was essential. It angered me, because not everybody afforded to stockpile immediately, due to their income, family sizes, jobs that prevented them from going out, and their conditions that disallowed them to safely venture out. I saw the ugliness of humanity during this time of uncertainty. 

As I had seen the ugliness, I also saw the beauty, and unity among us humans. Grocery stores established certain hours to accommodate to the elderly, and the disabled. Food service were establishing themselves to help those who have little access to constant meals. People found ways to set up virtual playdates, or even offering free childcare for the essential workers' children. Doctors and nurses worked tirelessly to prepare themselves for the incoming infirm crowd. Teachers and the administrators as well as educational companies collaborated to help provide ongoing education for the kids. Authors and artists reached out through cellphones, ipads, kindles, computers, and streaming services to provide storytime as well as craft time. Musicians sang to us through those devices. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and family members learned howh to Facetime, and staying connected. The police provided protection for people to remain safe during a rough time. Parents reached out to each other so they did not feel isolated, and alone even when people were physically apart from each other. 

As the months went on with having to be quarantined did take a toll on many of us, the restlessness grew among people, and even more challenges appeared. There were protests, and disagreements regarding how shut down affected the economy, small businesses, and whether the decisions that were made by the state infringed on personal liberties of its citizens. I had a lot of personal feelings about those issues. It was a challenging time, and showed that US was a disfranchised, split country with overlapping problems. It was very much like a house of cards being threatened to stumble by wind. This was only a beginning of an end, and in the end, in itself was being forged into a new beginning.


This is the first entry of COVID19 journal. I am encouraged to write entries for 30 days, and to submit to Wisconsin Historical Society when I am done. To be honest, I am not sure if I am able to write an entry every day for 30 days, but I will try my best to at least post twice a week. I plan on discussing about a lot of things that had happened so far; how it has impacted our family, our kids, me as a Deaf person, and so on. The pandemic is still ongoing. Our lives are still changing. My perspective has most certainly changed. I've felt deeply humbled by all of this. It has not been easy. It is a strange, scary, sad, overwhelming, confusing, and lonely time. There has been a lot of grief. We are all still living through it. I do have a lot that I would like to write about, and I am excited to be able to share those. I do hope you will stay tuned, and follow with me on this strange journey. Love you all.